The Diamond Deep Page 26

  Lya looked puzzled.

  “I’m not going to be here for you to follow around. Nor will I be here to keep Joel from locking you up if you follow him around.”

  Ruby gave her a beat to talk into, but Lya didn’t use it. So Ruby kept going. “I need you to help here. If you agree to help Marcelle in the schools—to do what she asks you to, and to attend three hours of classes a day—you and all of your people . . .”

  Lya frowned and looked unhappy but again she said nothing.

  “Then I will take Min with me. You will be able to witness the trip. If there’s a way for her to communicate back to you, she’ll be able to.”

  Lya’s eyes narrowed. “Why Min?”

  “Because Joel will only let me take someone who is also able to guard. Min is trained as a fighter, and now she looks like one, too.”

  Lya stood up as if she planned to leave without answering. “I had wondered if she was a traitor.”

  “Lya!” Ruby barked. “Sit down.”

  To her surprise Lya obeyed.

  “If Min is a traitor to you, I don’t know it. I haven’t talked to her since we arrived here, and if I had, you’d know since you’re following me around like a shadow.”

  Lya picked her cup up and hugged it.

  “You claim you hate me because Hugh died fighting for us. Not for me, for us.”

  “He loved you,” Lya whispered. “He loved you so much. And he died for you.”

  “He died for you, too.”

  “I told him not to fight.”

  Both of their voices were rising. Other people in the bar had started to watch them. Ruby tried to modulate, managed a whisper that still sounded angry. “No one should die young. But the world isn’t fair. Maybe you do hate me. That’s not fair either. We were never close friends even before. But I do what I’m doing because of a friend of mine who died once, and because of Ben. We’re both honoring the dead.”

  Lya licked her lips. Her hands shook.

  “You didn’t know my friends,” Ruby said, more slowly. “But I knew Hugh and you knew Ben. I need you to trust me. To believe that I’m honoring them both while I try to save us all.”

  Lya’s answering laugh sounded bitter. “I can’t believe how arrogant you are.”

  “Will you do it? Promise me you’ll help the colony while I’m away?”

  “Will you tell everybody what you’re doing before you go? And why?”

  “I don’t have time.”

  “For your people?”

  Ruby sighed. There was so much work. She needed a month of sleep. “Okay. You’re right. I will, in trade for Min and the return of your women in white to helping the community as much as you can.”

  “While you’re gone.”

  The deal wasn’t perfect, but at least Lya and her followers would be safe from Joel. Lya would be doing something useful, and Ruby would have Min. She could—perhaps—use her to build a bridge back into the whispering women. The thought chilled her. It was so . . . calculating. Not how she pictured herself.

  They were fracturing.

  She leaned over the small table so that her face was close to Lya’s. “Thank you.”

  “All bets are off when you get back.”

  Ruby allowed Lya to have the last word.

  Ruby surveyed the kitchen table. Naveen had helped her procure fresh vegetables and fruit, bread so soft that a small chunk she’d broken off to taste had disappeared in her mouth before she swallowed, and three sharp, tangy spreads. Best of all, there was a tall bottle of chilled wine. All of it food they’d never seen before they came here.

  She felt too nervous to write, so she paced for almost an hour before Joel came in. He glanced at her face and then at the table, his face frozen and his back stiff.

  “What’s the matter?” she asked.

  “Everything.”

  “Sit down. Naveen brought us food.”

  If the table were a person, his gaze would have cowed it into sitting down. “I’m not hungry.”

  She crossed the room and stood beside him. She could feel his tension without touching him, almost smell it on him. “Did something happen?”

  “I heard how you took care of those women. You can’t do that.”

  She stilled and took a deep breath. “Can’t do what?”

  “Take one of them with you. You can’t reward them for disrespecting you.”

  Ruby poured two glasses of deep red wine. “I already asked her. She can fight.” She held a glass out to him. “It’s not as if I asked Lya.”

  “Take Chitt. Take Samara. Take a dancer. But not one of your enemies.”

  “We need one of the old worker-class people with us.”

  “Fine. Take The Jackman.” He finally took the glass and downed half of it in one long pull.

  “He hates me. Besides, we want to look friendly.”

  “Isn’t Min the one with the scar?”

  She hadn’t realized he knew that. “Yes. Jali can dress her up. She’s the right size to wear some of Daria’s clothes.”

  “Take Daria.”

  “She’s no fighter. This is my trip. It will only be a few weeks, and I needed Lya and her women to be out of your hair while I’m gone.” She took a sip of the wine, rolling the bitterness on her tongue, savoring it. “Besides, KJ is going to be with me. What could go wrong?”

  “Everything. Anything.” He put a hand on her shoulder, stiff and heavy. She stepped into him, trying to lift his frustration with touch. They stood that way, close but stiff, like two strangers forced into a small space. He put a hand on her face, his palm big enough to cup her entire cheek. “Look. We don’t have to do this at all. You don’t have to go. We can still go find Laird and the others. Koren found me yesterday, and her offer is still open.”

  She stepped back, her mouth open. “You would abandon them all?”

  “I saw Laird in the Exchange today. He has a job helping with the station’s defenses, loves what he does. He lives in a place that’s all his own, and he looks healthier than any of us—ever.” He truly looked torn. “We could be that happy. We could.”

  Ruby felt like all of her had tensed all over again, like even the blood in her heart had stopped in protest. “The guilt would kill us.”

  “You’re pushing yourself too hard. It’s not possible to do what you want to do. We can’t make enough to save everyone, but I want to save you.”

  She spun away from him, staring at the wall, too furious to say anything else.

  He came up behind her, close enough that she heard him breathe. “I’ve been watching you get more and more exhausted. More worried. This is not the Fire. If it were, I would be the captain and I would be responsible and I would be happy you were helping. But this is a trap and we can’t get everyone out of it.” He paused, and although she couldn’t see it, it felt as if he reached for her and then dropped his hand.

  “And taking Koren’s help isn’t? It’s all a trap, Joel. This whole place is a trap. We have to stay together. I’m taking Min because I need a lever to understand Lya, to change her.”

  “If you were with them all the time, serenading them from task to task, they wouldn’t be happy.” His sounded so bitter it pulled at her heart even while she was mad at him. “You cannot do all the books, get all the jobs, write and sing, work with Ix, and communicate to everyone all the time. There is only one of you. There is no win here. We were lost the moment we decided to come here.”

  She turned to face him. “You could come with me. Leave Onor in charge. Leave KJ back here with Onor.”

  He went silent. For a moment, she thought he might be considering it. “I would lose whatever reputation I have left.”

  Ruby slid into the silky-soft pantsuit that Jali had crafted for travel. She belted a multi-colored scarf over the loose green top, picked up one of the simple beaded necklaces she wore in the early days, when she might have been locked-up for wearing one. The colors didn’t quite match the fancy new outfit. But it made her smile, and feel a
bit like her old self. She dropped it over her head.

  Joel waited in the living room, his jaw set and his eyes cold. “Good morning.”

  They had slept as far apart as their bed allowed, barely touching in the night. She had tried to soften him with caresses twice, and he had merely grunted and refused to roll over and meet her eyes. But he was looking at her now. She said, “I have to leave. It might save us all.”

  He thinned his lips and closed his eyes.

  It wasn’t like him to be petulant. “I don’t want to leave you. I’m sorry. But it’s the best thing I know how to do. We’ll talk every day. Our people need you there for them. They need your strength, your power.”

  He turned away, staring at a picture on the wall. Damn it. She needed this one person, this one love, this one central fact in her life. He was part of how she thought about herself. She contemplated his back. He looked stiff and way too serious. “It’s not as if you can hold a note.”

  His shoulders relaxed, if only a tiny bit.

  “But if you want to come along and try we’ll record you and send you back here for everyone to listen to.”

  He turned and took her into his arms, rubbing his strong thumbs along each side of her spine, the smooth material letting them slide right into the soft places between muscles. “We should beg for an hour’s grace and return to bed. I should have made love to you all night.”

  She whispered, “We’ll have more time. I will come back.”

  “You had better.”

  “And you,” she pulled back and looked up at him, “you need to be here waiting for me.” Her throat felt thick.

  “I know.”

  He leaned down and kissed her, taking her mouth as hard as he ever had, his tongue questing and demanding, stamping her as his.

  The door announced the arrival of a pack robot to get her bags.

  Ruby had trouble breaking from his arms to let it in. Maybe they should fight more often.

  She walked beside Joel and behind the short, square pack robot. It had four wheels for legs, and made a soft whirr as it moved down the corridor. At the doorway between home and the rest of the Diamond Deep, she found Jaliet, Dayn, Ani, and KJ waiting for her. A small crowd of well-wishers gathered a respectful distance away.

  Haric also stood by the door, a small bag at his feet. He looked at her with such hope in his eyes that she winced. She went directly to him before she even acknowledged the others. She knelt so that he would be a little taller than her. “I would love to be able to take you. But I can’t.”

  He held up his slate. There was figure of twenty credits on it. “I can help pay my way. I earned this, working. Off the system, so the credits went to me. It took me three days of cleaning out garbage containers.”

  His chin quivered ever-so-slightly. He read the look on her face, and looked down at the ground.

  “You found that work by yourself? How?”

  “I asked. One of the men that’s helping Allen build out the bar knew.”

  “Really? Did you have to pay him for finding you the job?”

  He looked back at her. “Only two credits.”

  She hoped her pride showed on her face. “You’re growing up.”

  “Someone will need to take care of you while you’re traveling. I know how to do that.”

  “I know you do.” She hadn’t even thought of him, and she should have. Although she did need Min. Damn it. “I can’t take everyone I care for.” She paused, and kept looking at him until he nodded. “You can help me, though. You can figure out how to have more people doing what you did. That’s enough credits for ten days of life support. Give it to SueAnne, and work with her to figure out how more people can do that kind of thing.”

  She sensed he was fighting tears. But he squared his shoulders and stepped back into the crowd that had gathered to see them off. Onor and Marcelle, SueAnne in her wheelchair, Lya (of course, and wearing a sour face), Allen, others.

  As she watched Haric fade behind Onor, she felt the sudden loss of connection. She would be able to talk to them all because of the slates, at least to the extent that she had time. But she wouldn’t be able to hold them or see them. Marcelle’s belly had grown big enough she could have her baby before Ruby got back. It wasn’t likely, but sometimes first children came early.

  Relief flooded her as Min made her way through the group. She’d chosen to wear white, and Ruby wondered if that was all that was in her bag. In spite of the small defiance of her wardrobe, she looked scared, her eyes big and her lips thin.

  The door opened. Naveen stood behind it, dressed in fabulous browns that glittered with golden threads and hints of blues. His clothes flowed as he walked toward them and everything Jali had made, even the outfits that had seemed over-the-top, dulled in her memory.

  She smiled at his finery. This trip would be for show. Like an echo of the feeling of separation that had just nearly stopped her, she felt repulsed by what she was about to do. Her day-to-day work for the community would end while she did this. She would dine and sleep well, and be pampered. All this, while SueAnne fretted about the cost of food and Joel struggled to keep people working, while most of her people had never left this small, awful place that was so much less than the Fire had been.

  She needed to be spectacular. She hesitated, suddenly feeling the job was impossible, like she was tiny in the vast Deep.

  Ruby took a deep breath and gave Joel a last long look before she greeted Naveen with the bravest smile she could muster.

  Onor watched the gentle curve of Marcelle’s lips as she blew on the tea SueAnne had sent for her. She took a tiny sip, and placed the teacup back on her desk. “That is good.”

  “SueAnne said it would help calm your tummy.”

  “I feel like a house.”

  If it weren’t for her pregnancy, they would surely be with Ruby instead of here, fighting disease and the boredom of the masses. “I know. How was your day?”

  “School’s interesting. It’s far more interesting than what we got on the Fire. Ix is attending classes instead of giving them. You’d like the one we had today on intelligence.”

  “I wish I had time.”

  “Did you know there are five recognized species of AI? And three different classes of body they can inherit?”

  “No.”

  “Here, taste this.” She passed him over the tea. “The infirmary is full. There’s still the sickness, the same one. We’re calling it a Deep Flu.” She glanced over at him, and when he didn’t say anything, she continued. “We lost two more old people. Keep SueAnne away.”

  “I hadn’t heard it was contagious.”

  “I don’t think so. But I’d rather not take risks. SueAnne is a savior. I never thought I’d say that about someone from command.”

  “We’re part of command now.”

  She sighed. “It was easier not to be. People keep looking at me like I shouldn’t have this job. Like I’m too young or too favored.”

  “You are.”

  She made a face.

  “Ruby trusts us,” Onor said. “If you think the Deep Flu is contagious, tell me.”

  “I don’t. Not really. Besides, what would that change?”

  “Our medical staff think it’s not, right?”

  “Right.” She reached for the tea.

  “I haven’t tasted it yet.” He did. Bitter. “Wow. You like that?”

  “Yes. How about you?”

  “Allen’s hired two people in from the Deep to help get the bar built. They’re doing awesome work.”

  She laughed. “You’re kidding. With all of our unemployed people, we’re paying someone else?”

  “Just to do things we can’t. You’re going to be amazed.”

  She looked away.

  It was a running argument between them; she wanted more resources for the infirmary and the school, and he wanted to keep people busy. The bar itself had become almost like a shared dream for the old cargo-bar people. As far as the rest of the credit allo
cation problems, Onor counted himself lucky that Joel and SueAnne were making the final decisions. He and Marcelle might never agree on some topics. He stood up. “I’ve got to go. Don’t you take any risks with this disease.”

  She turned back to him slowly. “Just keep me in this tea and don’t bring me any new food. I’ll stick to the squares.”

  So she really was worried? But it was only children and old people who were getting the . . . what was it? Deep Flu. “Let me know how things stay in the infirmary.”

  “So you can take the dead off the daily tax rolls?”

  “Don’t sound so bitter. So we can tell if we need to try and do something.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  He was going to walk into a trap. He could feel it. But he opened the door anyway, since he’d started. “I’m sure there are medical resources somewhere on the ship.”

  She stared at him. “But those would cost credit.”

  “Of course.”

  “How much?”

  “I hear it’s a lot. A few days of a robot doctor could cost a few hundred credits. More than everyone in the colony is earning for the common pot these days.” He could see from the look on her face that he’d been right to suspect he was stepping into trouble. “Look, you didn’t see the Brawl. You haven’t been outside. You don’t know how bad it can be. We need time, and the only way to have time is not to spend credit while we’re learning to earn it.”

  “You agree with that? You think these people—including the children—could be saved and you’re advocating that we don’t do it?” She stood up, one hand on her belly. The rest of her seemed to have thinned, and the angry set of her jaw made her face look pinched.

  He swallowed. “We don’t know if they can be saved. We have to think long term.”

  “Since when did any of us not take care of our own?”

  “All of the rules have changed.”

  She fell silent. When she spoke, she did so slowly and in a measured way. “No. No they haven’t. There are new rules imposed on us from the outside. But our own morality? We have always cared for everyone. That’s how we survived. When people like Koren talk about ships like the Fire coming home empty, I’m sure it’s from lack of caring.”